When I was going to college I wrote a paper in support of Fred Hoyle and I used the Murchison Meteorite as evidence the entire universe was swarming with organic compounds. This was in 1987 when such ideas were considered on par with Bigfoot sightings and UFO abduction studies.
The problem was that I had written a paper for another teacher across the hall arguing that abortion was murder because the fetus had an endpoint that was a human being, therefore interfering with the development of a fetus or aborting it was equivalent to manslaughter where another person dies because of a reckless action committed by someone else. I used fragments of my other paper to demonstrate that life was organically bound up in the nature of existence and that it was to be regarded as a miracle because we could not produce our own in the lab without using existing lifeforms as building blocks.
The two teachers got together (quite unprofessionally) and decided that I must be something of a right-wing goyish troublemaker. They held a counseling session for me after hours where they offered me the chance to recant my views and demonstrate correct doubleplusgood-think. I spent the entire session repeatedly asking them what it was I had done wrong and why they had felt this warranted a counseling session. They kept sneering and waving me off like I was digressing by inquiring into what the charge was precisely. They kept repeating the requirement that I be less "closeminded" in the future and refrain from inserting political beliefs into biology classes. I reminded them the point of my paper on abortion was to show that this was a scientific concern, not a political one.
They were both so unreasonably derogatory with me it left me feeling badly wounded when it was over, in particular because they could not specifically say what it was I had written they had found so unacceptable. No matter what indifference they feigned you could feel the contempt and disgust radiating from them and it was very, very ugly. Over these two papers I had written. I couldn't figure it out. I was young and still thought the world works the way people claim it does even after having been in the military.
In less than a month I had a row in psychology about the differences between men and women being genetic, not cultural. I was asked if I would attend gender sensitivity training classes. I dropped out, walked off campus, never came back. I did continue using my campus pass for a while to sneak in and use the college gym. This was at a time in my life I was increasingly conflicted and trying so hard to understand why I was so immeasurably different from everybody else. I say "conflicted," but I mean something that was so hard on me inside emotionally it was like running a low-grade fever or being ill some of the time.
The instinct to hate myself for being so different and so "wrong" was really strong and I ignored it, I needed to believe that different as I was, that someday I would find out the truth about who I was and how I got that way. I always believed it would turn out to be something utterly incredible and probably beyond the grasp of ordinary humans. I was right about that. It was more incredible than anything I could have imagined. I'm still discovering more every single day and I doubt if I have really done anything more than break the surface of what is there.
I didn't know it back then at the time but that terrible pain I was feeling which seemed like an awful burden to me was doing a lot more elsewhere. That emotional feeling of alienation kills the majority of people with "Asperger's Syndrome" (I only use the term in deference to the limitations of regular humans) like flies. What I thought was really hard and tough to live with, was causing the other 95% born like me to leap off bridges and hang themselves. People with only a fraction of the condition found it almost impossible to breach their 25th birthday without committing suicide. I didn't know about any of this at the time, I thought I was the only person in the world like me.
The Enkidu are tough critters. Resilient. I suspect their weakness may have been certain kinds of emotional pain and living conditions that scarcely trouble Homo Sapiens much at all. They had a special kind of Kryptonite that is difficult to explain if you are not a member of the tribe. As luck would have it, those conditions to trigger that instinct are perfectly produced by raising Neanderthals with Homo Sapiens. With Neanderthals, if you are shunned by your tribe powerful instincts kick in to make your caloric requirements zero from then on. Powerful hormones are released that make you hate yourself. The thing is, these sorts of emotional wounds are a perfectly normal part of growing up for Homo Sapiens. They are a fickle, arbitrary shifting set of allegiances that changes from one day to the next. When you meet somebody better, you trade up and discard the other person(s) as no longer necessary. The Homo Sapiens doesn't dry up and blow away because he gets hurt or rejected, he has no ultimate allegiances to anyone so he'll just go looking for another social group to get into. Not so for the Neanderthal. The Neanderthal is reacting to rejections by ghosts and withering on the vine because of perceived insults by people who aren't even there. The Neanderthal thinks he has been judged unworthy by the females and will have no mate. With Sapiens, they just shelve one bitch and look for another. Nobody takes anything seriously and your best friend can be your enemy tomorrow depending on which way the wind is blowing. With Sapiens you are expected to simply spin the wheel and try again. Nobody means anything they say to each other and nobody expects to be taken seriously by anybody else, it's all just a big game called society. Their ideals come from Neanderthals but the reality is in no way related. I love you to a Neanderthal means permanently. I will never betray you or abandon you, ever. Homo Sapiens girls consider this kind of earnestness a sign of weakness in a man and despise commitments that are binding. She might meet a man with a bigger bank account tomorrow and need to get out of this thing to switch to the new male. The last thing he/she wants is for anybody to think this lasts any longer than it needs to.